Many conversations seem to be a pure fill of silence. You and your colleague are waiting at the printer and suddenly there is such a clearly painful silence. Your colleague then shouts something like: “What a lot of prints / A little while and then it is five o’clock again / What a rain, isn’t it this morning?” To which you make a consenting sound.
For introverts, making such flowers and bee conversations takes much more effort than a real conversation. It is as if they are not programmed for it. Pure energy waste. They would rather know what is really going on in someone’s head, or discuss something interesting what they have read or heard.
The researchers said in an interview with the New York Times that people are ultimately looking for meaning in their lives, meaningful relationships, and meaningful conversations. And as social animals, we all want to have real contact with each other (introverted or extroverted). Small talk doesn’t deliver that.
Well that is a confirmation of something indian pornstars of course already knew. The introverts among in any case. It is not that flowers and bees have no function. It can break the ice; act as a prelude to a more meaningful conversation. If your colleague at the printer suddenly inquires about your deepest motivations, it would probably deter you.
But not everyone finds the transition from small talk to deeper conversation quite difficult to make. A few ideas:
– Ask open questions. Instead of “How was your weekend?” you can ask: “What was the best?” Or instead of: “What type of job do you do?” you can ask: ‘how did you end up there? What did you like about your job? “
– You realize: the conversation does not have to be about you. In real meaningful conversations you are not just spouting (irrelevant) information about yourself, but you ask the other person questions. Are you really interested? Do not wait until the other person has finished talking to make your own say, but listen. And ask further. People want to get the feeling that they are being heard. And if your story is really interesting, it will be in five minutes.